May the Force be with you.

Another day goes by. It is not ordinary because every day has its own unique personality. Each day is special. Today, I remember a birthday of a dear friend of mine. Well, there are a few others, but one in specific because he died in January of this year. It still is a bit unbelievable to think that he is not around anymore, that I don’t get event invites to a rock show from him, and that I don’t get to see any new projects that he was working on. 

My friend Tim loved playing music and he enjoyed composing. I remember walking in the music lounge, several times, at Campbell University during my freshman year of college when he was working on some music piece or showing it to another classmate and explaining the specifics of the composition. He had a deep love for music.
Music is a powerful tool that connects human beings. It makes us feel emotions that we seek in order to feel understood. 

I am always intrigued about why a person or a group of people write lyrics or compose a musical piece. That’s why I always enjoy hearing from my composer friends about what they are composing (I don’t know many but you know, like 3 or 4, not to sound like I am part of an upper status, God no). Why do they compose? What made them think of a melody? Or simply are they exploring music theory and figuring out what rules to break and not break? If you learned music theory and compose, then you know that you learn the rules to [sometimes] break the rules. At least that’s what I was told. 

I recently saw a friend’s recital and it reminded me of how much music is so inspiring and just so  expressive about a person, a feeling, a place, an object, anything. 

I was reminded of this quote by my favorite composer, Sergei Rachmaninov, who is beyond an amazing composer. He said this thing I found in a book and it has resonated with me. 

“Composing is as essential a part of my being as breathing or eating; it is one of the necessary functions of living. My constant desire to compose music is actually the urge within me to give tonal expression to my feelings, just as I speak to give utterance to my thoughts. That, I believe, is the function that music should serve in the life of every composer; any other function it may fill is purely incidental. I have no sympathy with any composer who produces works according to preconceived theories or with the poseur who writes in a certain style because it is the fashion to do so. Great music has never been produced in that way – and I dare say it never will. Music should, in the final analysis, be the expression of a composer’s complex personality. It should not be arrived at mentally, tailor-made to fit certain specifications – a tendency, I regret to say, all too prevalent during the past twenty years or so. A composer’s music should express the country of his birth, his love affairs, his religion, the books which have influenced him, the pictures he loves. It should be the product of the sum total of a composer’s experiences. Study the masterpieces of every great composer and you will find every aspect of the composer’s personality and background in his music. Time may change the technique of music but it can never alter its mission. -Sergei Rachmaninoff

Random Poem translated from Spanish to English

El dia se hace noche.

Todo oscuro.

De repente llegas como una luz

Que brilla como un cristal.

Tu essencia es un misterio

Pero siempre me trais recuerdos.

Recuerdos felices, recuerdos tristes.

Cada vez que te vas,

Espero tu regreso

Con un caudaloso energia.

Con un imenso sentimiento de tranquilidad.

The day turns into night.

It is dark.

Suddenly you come in like a light

Shining like a crystal.

Your essence is a mystery.

But you bring me memories.

Happy memories. Sad memories.

Every time you leave,

I await your return.

With an abundance of energy.

With an immense feeling of tranquility.

Are Piggly Wiggly’s vintage yet?

What a beginning to 2017. First of all, I ended 2016, sick, with some 24 hour bug. Yikes. I spent New Years Eve watching Mariah Carey fail horrendously on live television. About that, can I just say that the internet is absolutely wonderful? My favorite thing to read immediately after Mariah Carey’s performance was that “Russia hacked Mariah Carey.” ::facepalm:: As I type this, I am still laughing about it! 

Anyways, the beginning of the year is usually always hopeful, you know, filled with many goals and expectations to be fulfilled. But, the beginning of this year just seems to be a bit depressing. At least for me it has. Actually, I’ve been battling depression for a while now. And it sucks. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful every single day that I am alive and blessed that I can do the things I am able to do while others might not be able to. 

Why am I depressed? It really has to do a lot with this life transition of being an adult. It sucks not having enough money for anything. People always tell me “Live life! Go out and do stuff!” How can I if most things require money? Again, don’t get me wrong because I’ve always never had enough money. It’s just that since graduating with a degree, it would be nice to have a break. #teachersdeserveahigherpay #justsaying

This might sound like I’m complaining and all but I’ve had to grow up since my junior year in high school. Doesn’t mean I have all the right to complain but I’m just expressing my thoughts. There are some perks to being an adult and I really am okay with it. It sucks to feel depressed and at times it feels like I have nothing else to look forward to since graduating. When I have thoughts like that, I begin saying “no no, there is SO much to look forward to! Writing and higher education!” I plan on getting my doctorate’s and of course publish a book, produce a TV series, and other writing projects! I also believe that what has gotten to me is not being able to have my parents around. I know my mom is looking out for me. Every single day. But I wished she were here to witness all of the things my family and I are doing. You may think that I am probably not letting go of my mom but gee I don’t know, have you ever lived without someone who was always there since day one? March 10th will be eight years…

Eight years. 

That’s a long time.

Things could be worse. I know people have lost loved ones longer than I have. But damn it suuuucks.

You know what’s the most wonderful thing about that though? She isn’t suffering. She is with God and her family. And that eases my soul. And also that I see her in my nephews and niece.

Anyways, the beginning of the year just seemed to start a little rough. Then I get a phone call one evening to hear that one of my friends from college died. 

Whoa. 

Like, why? 

He was someone who had so much talent and so much to show the world. This was definitely an eye-opener for me. It was a reminder that we should live each day and not worry so much about the future. What will you get if you spend your time planning so much for the future when you could be living this exact moment? Don’t get me wrong, I like planning in advance and it helps to not have too much going on and to look forward to things but really, we all should live up every day. What have you got to lose if you wait on doing things? On saying things? I hate this happened to my friend Tim, that his time was up soon. This stirred in me the want to live fervently and to serve my purpose on this earth. It just sucks to be in the middle of this depression where at times I really don’t want to go out. Or be around anyone. It’s a battle everyday. I wished people could understand that depression is more than just being sad. 

With that being said, I have been pushing myself (not too hard) to go out when I want to and try new things. I took a trip to Georgia to see some friends who I hadn’t seen in SO long and it was SO good to be with them. I also have been dating someone. And can I just say he is one of the sweetest beings I have met? Who knows what will happen but let’s just say that I’m excited and terrified all at once.
I know things will get better. It will. Life is supposed to have it’s ups and downs.

To conclude, the title of this blog refers to a conversation I had with one of my best friends in the car. We were trying to figure out what new store was going to replace Kmart (Wilmington), who announced they would be closing and I mentioned something about Piggly Wiggly and my brain said “are they vintage yet?” 

A vintage Piggly Wiggly? 

More like retro right? ­čśÇ

Intent├│ n├║mero 1

Bienvenidos a mi primer intent├│ en escribir un blog en espa├▒ol. Voy a ser muy directa con algo: yo no soy muy buena con la grammatica en espa├▒ol. Yo no aprend├ş en escuela pues porque obvio vivo aqu├ş en los Estados Unidos y no nos ense├▒a c├│mo escribir en espa├▒ol. Nadie me ense├▒├│ escribir o leer en espa├▒ol…y entonces c├│mo aprendi?? 

La verdad? 

No se. 

Recuerdo cuando tuve once o doce anos, recog├ş el peri├│dico y estuve leyendo las noticias y mama me estaba viendo y me dijo: “ni├▒a qui├ęn te ense├▒├│ a leer en espa├▒ol?” Yo respond├ş: “no se, levante el peri├│dico y me puse a leer y pude entender todo lo que esta diciendo.” Fue como magia. Yo pens├ę que mis hermanos tambi├ęn supieron como leer en espa├▒ol pero aprend├ş que no son tan buenos c├│mo yo. ­čÖé

Si est├ís leyendo esto, agradezco de todo corazon el apoyo el y el esfuerzo de intentar leer esto. Se que “Google translate” no har├í el intent├│ de traducir f├ícil. Aunque el espa├▒ol es mi languaje nativo, yo tambi├ęn uso “Google translate” porque a veces se me olvide. Sabes, si te pones a leer algo en espa├▒ol, ver├ís que hay unas palabras son f├ícil de entender porque se parecen los de Ingles.

Espa├▒ol. Uno lenguaje tan bonita (en mi opinion) para escuchar. Hablar en espa├▒ol me hace sentir viva. No lo hablo por varias razones pero es algo que quiero hacer mejor en este A├▒o Nuevo. Hablar espa├▒ol es parte de mi ser y no poder hablarlo me hace sentir que algo me falta en esta vida. Como dec├şa mi mama, “lo que uno buen aprende, nunca se le olvide.” Y jam├ís olvidar├ę un lenguaje que me fascina escuchar. Por ejemplo, me gusta como suena palabras en espa├▒ol. La palabra “traducir”? No se, es algo de la parte linguistica que me fascina cuando digo alguna palabra en espa├▒ol o cuando escucho alguien hablando. La palabra “sentimiento” es otra que me gusta decir y escuchar. Hasta me gusta escuchar las palabras que usan en el barrio: “orale vato, que paso g├╝ey?” Okay, nunca me ha gustado la palabra ‘g├╝ey.’ No se porque. Me da el mimiski! Si sepas lo que significa ‘mimiski’ te aplaudo y seramos amigos de por vida! Bueno ya dejo esta platica que no tiene tanto significando. 

Muchos hablan de que para vivir, haz lo que te hace sentir pasion. Haz lo que te hace sentir vivo. Vivimos cada d├şa haciendo la misma routina una y otra vez pero verdaderamente, estas haciendo lo que t├ę hace feliz y contento? Esa es la pregunta del a├▒o. O quiz├í la pregunta del a├▒o ser├í  “que quieres comer?” ­čśÇ 

(By the way this whole “___ in spanish” is one of of my favorite memes).

He tenido esta platica con muchos y creo que todos estamos en la misma pagina. Se que algunos tienen que trabajar duro para lograr el mas grande objetivo y quizá este momento no es tuyo. Aún no. El momento pasara cuando es tiempo. Yo misma me tengo que recordar esto.

Espero que todos disfrutan celebrando el fin del a├▒o! Por favor, tomen precauci├│n! Ojal├í que este a├▒o nos trae mucha alegr├şa y paz. Realmente necesitamos la paz para poder convivir con el uno a otro. Es duro ser feliz. Ser totalmente feliz. Recuerdo lo que una vez una mujer dijo: “cada persona tiene derecho de sentir lo que sienten.” Pero hay que manejar lo que sentimos con una mente clara. Ya pasara y otra vez ser├ís contento. Eso te lo prometo.

Besos y abrazos! Xoxo

They say it’s the most wonderful time of the year….

They say it’s the most wonderful time of the year! 

Actually, it is! It is a time to spend time with family and friends, give gifts, help out people in need, celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, or whatever it is that you celebrate around this time of year. I love putting up the Christmas tree, listening to Christmas music, drinking hot chocolate, watching Christmas movies, wrapping presents, and my new favorite-going to Midnight Mass.

But of course around this time of year, it makes me a little sad because I miss spending time with with my mom and dad who are gone. 

I miss putting the tree up with them, I miss my mom making tamales (oh the smell of tamales: the dough, the chicken, the chile guajillo…delicioso!)

Now the tradition is coming home to my sister and brother. And can I tell you what an amazing feeling it is? Of course I loved being with them in the past but now that we are older, coming home to both of them is home.  I mean, sometimes it felt like World War III in our house back in the day! I cannot tell on how much there were days when I despised one or the other. And even now, geez…there are some days where we’re just done. Zero. Nil. Goodbye. But in the end, we come back to each other. We check in and make sure the other is alive or even say “hey remember when…” And of course I have SO many additions in the family! While losing two of the most important people in my life, I gained six people. Plus 100. (Okay not really 100 but a lot of people).

 It’s funny how life works, when you lose some people in life, you gain others and sometimes it’s more than you expected! I’m not gonna lie, I used to feel like my current family was so out of place and that I wasn’t normal because my mom and dad weren’t around. But then I realized that the perfect family wasn’t just having a dad, mom, sister, and a brother. Family is so much more than that. I’m going to preach a little bit about Jesus here but a couple of years ago at Midnight Mass, I was struggling, being sad, wishing I had the perfect family. And guess what? The homily was about family. Jesus was not born into a perfect family. His mom was asked by an angel to give birth to the Son of God, his earthly father was not his true blood but he accepted a woman who was bearing a child whom he didn’t conceive with. This makes me think of step moms and stepdads who help play a role in their step kids lives and that takes a lot of courage. Even grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, and friends who play a major role in a kid’s life. I felt happy and relieved hearing this at Mass, I felt like God heard what was on my mind. Jesus had all that He needed. It was exactly what I needed to hear and to be reminded to be grateful for who I have. 

I really hate this whole thing where people wish they had a “normal” family. What is a normal family? Well, for sure there are some crazy family members we could do without but that’s what makes each family special. Each family has their own little crazy. So remember to be grateful. You never know when their last day will be. I know it’s easier said than done and it’s hard to be grateful for family members who are difficult.

And family is not necessarily blood-related. It’s the ones around have been around who care about you and make sure you are doing okay. 

Speaking of not knowing when it’s someone’s last day on this Earth…George Michael. Totally was not expecting that. And it had to be on Christmas Day. When it’s your time to go, no day is an exception. I’ll be saying a prayer for his soul and for his loved ones. 

I hope everyone is enjoying the holidays and time off with their loved ones. If you’re not with your loved ones, then I hope you are making the best out of each and every day because you deserve to make the best of it.

First Generation Mexican-American living life in the US.

Recently I went a Latin Dance Social and can I tell you…it was amazing! I found out about it on facebook because an ad for it randomly came up. And I’ve also been using this app called Meetup. It sounds odd but it actually is pretty neat. Pretty much you put in hobbies that you like (movies, books, hiking, coffee, dancing, music, etc.) and then you join groups around your area and you try to meetup with people. It’s kinda like an online site to meet new people who have the same interests as you.

First there was an intro class, but I don’t need THAT much of an intro. I kinda already know how to dance salsa; it runs in my blood! Not literally (can you imagine salsa sauce going through your veins?) but I am latina and music is pretty important in our culture. When you put Latin music on, it just calls to us. You begin to shake your hips and just go with the beat. But I do have trouble knowing when to do certain moves when dancing with someone else because I’m used to twirling around by myself in the kitchen while I’m cooking or cleaning.

After the intro part, everyone began dancing. The one thing that stood out to me the most was that everyone danced with each other. The old and the young. Men would ask the women to dance and they would go out and dance on the dance floor! It wasn’t creepy at all like when you go to the club and some dude just comes up behind you and bumps and grinds with you without even asking you. #askfirst. 

Anyways, everyone danced the night away with Salsa, Bachata, and even the Cha-Cha-Cha. The organizer of the group was so nice and welcoming as well so that definitely made me want to try taking lessons with her.

There was also a special performance by this woman and man, who by the way, were AH-MAZING and I want to be just as good as they were on Saturday night. #lifegoals I can’t tell you how much I love the way Latin music makes me feel. I love how all music makes me feel. Music is life.

Hit or miss

“Cuando era ni├▒o, mi abuelo me decia que en momentos de grandes crisis el corazon se rompe o se corte. Yo lo miraba sin saber que decir. El me sonria y me decia algo de que todavia hoy me repito cada ma├▒ana: “Tranquilo Diego, tranquilo. La suerte esta echada.”

-Diego, ASL

Lately I’ve been struggling what to write in my next blog. #thestrugglewasreal

 

groundhog3Blogging is a little harder than I expected. I’ve had to write several rough drafts for the past blogs to be able to carry out my thoughts in a structured manner that won’t be so confusing. I confuse myself with my own thoughts because there are so many! You know how the brain is: so many thoughts pop up like little groundhogs who come up to the surface…don’t know why that was the only analogy that I could think of. Anyways, so about a week or so ago, I was feeling a little out of it. Being on vacation always throws me off because I’m so used to following a routine, getting work done and then when the holidays come around or a long break, I’m like “I have to do no work for a few days? But…but…” I know most people are ready to not do anything for these vacation days but I’m just used to being busy all the time! But don’t get me wrong, for several years, I have made sure to enjoy my vacation or days off because why not? You just need those breaks for your body and brain to recuperate.

So.

During my Thanksgiving vacation, I did nothing. But this isn’t the point. During and after my vacation, I had some random encounters with people that made me reflect on humanity. There is a lot of good in this world as there is bad. Normally I do not talk to strangers. Or enjoy being in a big crowd of people so I stay in a corner or anywhere where I feel safe. But working in fast food and retail has taught me a way to talk with strangers. My bosses would always say something along the lines of “when you see a customer, greet them with a smile and ask if they need assistance. Doesn’t hurt to say ‘hello, how are you.” So obviously I did what I was supposed to and tried to give the best customer service that I could. ┬áThen when I became the customer, I found myself smiling and saying to everyone “Hello, how are you” even when I didn’t have to say that to the random strangers passing me in the grocery store.

But you know what?

it didn’t hurt anyone or me to say a simple phrase.

Well, it might hurt a little when you greet a stranger and then they get really creepy. For example, I do remember one instance when I was in downtown Wilmington and made eye contact with someone I shouldn’t have and smiled. I smiled at a homeless person who was asking for money and he began to ask me random questions that made me uncomfortable so my friend and I quickly walked away.

The random encounters I mentioned earlier: one was when I went to run an errand and there was a lady sitting down and a man talking to a lady behind a window. A man was talking about a missed car payment and giving the lady major attitude about it. The lady was just understanding but she was just doing her job and the guy was just rude. He stormed out of the building and the lady sitting down looked at both me and the lady behind the window and said how rude the man was and praised the lady and the business. We all commented on the scene, I did what I needed to do, wished the ladies well and left.

Later on, I went to the shoe store and there was a lady who down the aisle from me trying on some heels and as I walked past her, I told her the heels looked good on her. (they really did! #workit) She told me she was debating on buying on them and I told her that she should if she liked them. The point I’m trying to make is, sometimes saying a simple “hello how are you” or giving a compliment to a random stranger goes a long way. I’m not saying we should tell our children “you need to talk to EVERY SINGLE random stranger you meet!” No, no, no please, safety first with the little ones. And even us adults. But just be friendly and courteous to people you meet. I know, some of us don’t like eye contact or even want to talk to anyone; we all have our busy lives.

But you never know who you meet.

You might get lucky and meet a person who becomes a friend or someone special. Or maybe the person is literally simply just passing through and you might have made their day just by smiling at them. Sometimes a person smiling at us can helps us feel noticed when we feel that no one is looking at you. Not saying that I liked being watched. God no. But it is nice simply to be seen, even for only a moment. Also, even to the people you do interact with on a daily basis like coworkers, classmates, friends, and family, a smile or simple greeting can go a long ways.

smile-1

These are my random adventures. Some of these small moments in life can truly make the difference. #mindfulness

 

Begin Again…Bye Felicia…Changes sucks.

 

I hope everyone has had a great week! Man that full moon last week…I love full moons but man my week was a little crazy (my students especially but we all survived!)

Has anyone ever seen the movie Begin Again? It has Keira Knightley, Adam Levine, and Mark Ruffalo and it has a really good story line! It’s directed by John Carney and I have discovered that I really like his productions (The movie Sing Street is amazing too). The album has some catchy songs, even cliche…so you should totally check it out!

So.

I was trying to come up with ideas for my next blog and I decided that this one was going to be about change.

Change.

Everyone knows about change. Some people like it. Some people don’t. There is good change that we like because we choose to do it and/or accept it. Then there is change that may be considered “bad”, “negative”, or not what we want at all.

Good change: getting a new haircut. Don’t you just love the freshness you feel when you chop off your hair and style it different because you’re getting tired of the same ole look? (Actually I need one pronto because my hair is getting too long and within the past few years, I’ve discovered I love having short hair). ANYWAYS…

Good change: getting a new job. Not because you hate your current one but you feel the need to set new goals for yourself or you want to do something else. Recently, I moved to a new town, got a new job. I’m a recent college graduate (6 years of college is looooong) and I wanted to live somewhere different.┬áNow I won’t lie, the transition has been a bit rough because I love being close to home and I really prefer being around the country yet close to small towns/cities. I also love being around my friends and family and I miss them. I am in a place where I barely know anyone (slowly I getting to know some people). So you see, the transition of becoming an official adult, graduating from college, moving to a new place, a new job…yeah, it is a bit overwhelming.

Change that is “bad”, “negative”, or not what we expect: new rules/standards/regulations being implemented at work and it disrupts the routine you have already established.

Change that is “bad”, “negative”, or not what we expect: Friends/family/romantic partner becoming distant or not being the same person you have seen them. Chances are, they are going through changes, just like you.

Change is uncertain. It’s inevitable. In the long run, change is good for us. It helps us grow. It helps us become people.

the-secret-to-change-socrates-meme

It will make feel sad, upset, angry even. And that’s okay. As human beings, it is okay to feel all of these emotions. I’m not gonna lie, I used to be one of those with not being okay with feeling sad or mad.

change-is-scary-meme

It’s hard when things seem to be in a “normal” routine and then something changes (good or not) and the outcome turns out to be different than what you expected. Then that ensues to become the new normal. I know I personally struggle with change. Especially when it involves people leaving my life. Or even if it’s me doing the leaving.

Of course some people leave because they get a new job, move to another place, get married, beginning their family, etc. and you continue to keep in touch with them.

And then there are some people who become less and less present in your life due to whatever reason and one day, you find out they are not longer there anymore.

It sucks when people you love leave you or you are the one doing the leaving.

You know that phrase “sometimes people are in our lives for a season”? Yeah it is too true. Now there are some people you gotta be like DEUCES!

bye-felicia

But then there are some others who you may not have to necessary say good-bye but a “see you later”.

After my mom died, my dad became less present in my life and then one day, he just up and left. He told me “see you later” but I felt it much more as a “good-bye.” Yes I was almost 19 at the time, but I still wanted my dad around and try to build a relationship with him since mom was gone. Even years after he left, I wanted to try to keep him in my life but it wasn’t working out. It wasn’t meant to be. It sucks when you want to keep people in your life but if you aren’t on the same page as the other, it gets complicated. I was resisting the change. I wanted to try to make it work. But I wasn’t happy. So I’m moving on.

I actually really do like the life I’m living now. I’m thankful for those who are in my life. And I’m thankful for the people who are not so present in my life.

To end this long blog (geez I just have so much to saaaaay! And I can hear my sister saying “oh my God you write a book! Just get to the point!” Haha), here is something that I heard from a priest who was at my home church who posted this excerpt on social media. It has resonated with me since then and I refer to it all the time:

“Listen, nothing is greater than a peaceful mind.

The most fundamental thing to be remembered is that life is dialectical:

It exists through duality; it is a rhythm between opposites.

You cannot be happy forever, otherwise happiness will lose all meaning.

You cannot be in harmony forever, otherwise you become unaware of the harmony.

Harmony has to be followed by discord, and

Happiness has to be followed by unhappiness.

Every pleasure has its own pain and every pain has its own pleasure.

Unless one understands this duality of

Existence, one remains in unnecessary misery.

Whatsoever you do, whatsoever you don’t do.

Whatsoever you say, whatsoever you don’t say

Reveals you.

Whom do you think you are deceiving? If

Deception becomes a habit, ultimately you will

Have deceived yourself and no one else.

It is your own life that you are wasting in deceptions.

Life is always uncertain.

Everything dead is certain, life is always uncertain.

Everything dead is fixed-its

Nature cannot be changed;

Everything alive is moving, changing-

A flow, flexible and able to move in

Any direction.

The more you become certain, the more you will miss life…

Be childlike but don’t be childish. If you are

Childlike, you will become a great saint;

If you are childish , you will become a knowledgeable person.”

 

This conversation about change can go in any direction so feel free to question, comment, and share!

Peace and love.

 

Have you ever…?

HAVE YOU EVER…?

Have you ever had a favorite hobby that you did all the time and then you stopped because you got caught up with work, family, friends, school, etc.?

For several years, I have been trying to start a blog. Why? Good question! The reason I have wanted to write a blog is because I want to share my thoughts and feelings about life. Now, I won’t say that I have been through the most exciting, dangerous, and adventurous life experiences that anyone has ever had and that I’m here to say “here is what I went through, now here are the answers of how to deal with life.” #thesearetheanswersyouprobablyarentlookingfor

If only it were that easy to tell anyone how to handle life situations so they won’t make the same mistakes that you did. Also, who I am to tell you what to do?

So here is where I’m getting at…have you ever had a favorite hobby that you did all the time and then stopped because you got caught up with work, family, friends, school, etc and then tried your favorite hobby again and realized how much you missed it?

For example, if you played a music instrument for fun but then stopped because you were too busy working, busy with school, busy with your family and friends, or you just didn’t feel like playing anymore and then when you went back to playing, you get that feeling of “oh man, I forgot how much I love playing!” If you don’t, I mean that’s totally fine, everyone is different. I know personally that I get that feeling when I go back to playing my clarinet because I loved playing it. (Yes I was a total band nerd in high school and in college). But this post isn’t about music (at least not this one).

img_20160110_153922One thing that a lot of people don’t know about me (except for the past 2-3 years because I decided to become more open about it) is that I love writing. I have been writing since I was little. I used to write letters to my friends in elementary school and middle school (before texting and chatting online became popular).
Actually I used to write letters to my favorite celebrities!

Anyone remember when Ben Affleck was in Armageddon? Yeah I wrote to Ben Affleck because I thought he was hot (not as much anymore…but I think he’s a good actor). Did I actually send the letters? Uh…I think I sent a few…I may or may not be a little embarrassed about it.

One of my earliest memories of writing was a letter to a 70s band that you may know: the Bee Gees. My parents listened to a lot of music from the 60s, 70s (disco was big in our household, especially the Bee Gees), and 80s when I was kid and I really enjoyed listening to it. (And even to this day I will jam out to some Bee Gees. If I am out at a restaurant or any social outing and I hear “Night Fever” you best believe I will sing along, quietly, and dance to that song (not like putting out a show but move to the beat where I’m standing or sitting).  So little Aileen wrote a letter to the Bee Gees about how big of a fan she was and how she wanted to meet them. I remember showing it to my dad and he laughed so hard. He thought it was the funniest thing he had heard. I was so embarrassed because I felt he was laughing at me! There went my self-esteem about writing… Now I laugh about it because it’s so silly and ridiculous. #longlivetheBeeGees

To tell you how far I have gone with writing, I even wrote a movie script from a dream I had in 7th grade. The dream seemed like something out of a movie and when I woke up, I was like “that looks like it should be in a movie!” So I wrote a whole story about it.

Did I finish the script?

I did.

And it was the cheesiest thing you could ever read. Maybe later on I will reveal what it was about but I think for now, let’s just stick to checking off “write a movie script” on my bucket list. I also began writing telenovelas because my beautiful mother watched them all the time (even though she would get tired of essentially the same story of man meets woman, they fall in love, someone tries to break them apart, someone dies and comes back to life seeking revenge, and then the main protagonists win their battle of fighting for their love and live happily ever after). But everyone likes a nice happily ever after story!  Therefore in middle/high school, I began coming up with ideas of writing telenovelas and starting them but I never completed them.

Then I took a three year hiatus from creative writing because I was taking care of my mother when she was diagnosed with cancer and obviously after she died, my main focus became learning how to live a life without her. My mom was also a part of my motivation to writing so you can see one of the reasons why I stopped writing.

But I missed writing. Throughout that time, I wanted to go back to writing because I knew I loved doing it but I just didn’t find (or want to find) the motivation to do it. Writing was always a great outlet for me because it was all in my journals/diaries and no one could criticize me for the content of my writing. But finally within the past three years, I began writing again. And it feels so good to come up with silly or fun stories! Or at least I think so…

Anyways, to wrap up my blog (because it is getting too long and my sister likes to tell me I write books whenever I write to someone), I want to say that I am actually in the process of writing a book: a memoir about my college experience. You might enjoy my happy and sad adventures, you might not. It might be cliche, it might not. But everyone has their own story. Just like what Maya Angelou said “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

Writing a book and actually publishing a book has been on my bucket list for a while so here is to hoping and praying that it will be a dream come true! I am currently working on a second rough draft so we’ll see how it goes! I also am working on a few writing projects with a friend so soon enough it will be out to the public.