Begin Again…Bye Felicia…Changes sucks.

 

I hope everyone has had a great week! Man that full moon last week…I love full moons but man my week was a little crazy (my students especially but we all survived!)

Has anyone ever seen the movie Begin Again? It has Keira Knightley, Adam Levine, and Mark Ruffalo and it has a really good story line! It’s directed by John Carney and I have discovered that I really like his productions (The movie Sing Street is amazing too). The album has some catchy songs, even cliche…so you should totally check it out!

So.

I was trying to come up with ideas for my next blog and I decided that this one was going to be about change.

Change.

Everyone knows about change. Some people like it. Some people don’t. There is good change that we like because we choose to do it and/or accept it. Then there is change that may be considered “bad”, “negative”, or not what we want at all.

Good change: getting a new haircut. Don’t you just love the freshness you feel when you chop off your hair and style it different because you’re getting tired of the same ole look? (Actually I need one pronto because my hair is getting too long and within the past few years, I’ve discovered I love having short hair). ANYWAYS…

Good change: getting a new job. Not because you hate your current one but you feel the need to set new goals for yourself or you want to do something else. Recently, I moved to a new town, got a new job. I’m a recent college graduate (6 years of college is looooong) and I wanted to live somewhere different.┬áNow I won’t lie, the transition has been a bit rough because I love being close to home and I really prefer being around the country yet close to small towns/cities. I also love being around my friends and family and I miss them. I am in a place where I barely know anyone (slowly I getting to know some people). So you see, the transition of becoming an official adult, graduating from college, moving to a new place, a new job…yeah, it is a bit overwhelming.

Change that is “bad”, “negative”, or not what we expect: new rules/standards/regulations being implemented at work and it disrupts the routine you have already established.

Change that is “bad”, “negative”, or not what we expect: Friends/family/romantic partner becoming distant or not being the same person you have seen them. Chances are, they are going through changes, just like you.

Change is uncertain. It’s inevitable. In the long run, change is good for us. It helps us grow. It helps us become people.

the-secret-to-change-socrates-meme

It will make feel sad, upset, angry even. And that’s okay. As human beings, it is okay to feel all of these emotions. I’m not gonna lie, I used to be one of those with not being okay with feeling sad or mad.

change-is-scary-meme

It’s hard when things seem to be in a “normal” routine and then something changes (good or not) and the outcome turns out to be different than what you expected. Then that ensues to become the new normal. I know I personally struggle with change. Especially when it involves people leaving my life. Or even if it’s me doing the leaving.

Of course some people leave because they get a new job, move to another place, get married, beginning their family, etc. and you continue to keep in touch with them.

And then there are some people who become less and less present in your life due to whatever reason and one day, you find out they are not longer there anymore.

It sucks when people you love leave you or you are the one doing the leaving.

You know that phrase “sometimes people are in our lives for a season”? Yeah it is too true. Now there are some people you gotta be like DEUCES!

bye-felicia

But then there are some others who you may not have to necessary say good-bye but a “see you later”.

After my mom died, my dad became less present in my life and then one day, he just up and left. He told me “see you later” but I felt it much more as a “good-bye.” Yes I was almost 19 at the time, but I still wanted my dad around and try to build a relationship with him since mom was gone. Even years after he left, I wanted to try to keep him in my life but it wasn’t working out. It wasn’t meant to be. It sucks when you want to keep people in your life but if you aren’t on the same page as the other, it gets complicated. I was resisting the change. I wanted to try to make it work. But I wasn’t happy. So I’m moving on.

I actually really do like the life I’m living now. I’m thankful for those who are in my life. And I’m thankful for the people who are not so present in my life.

To end this long blog (geez I just have so much to saaaaay! And I can hear my sister saying “oh my God you write a book! Just get to the point!” Haha), here is something that I heard from a priest who was at my home church who posted this excerpt on social media. It has resonated with me since then and I refer to it all the time:

“Listen, nothing is greater than a peaceful mind.

The most fundamental thing to be remembered is that life is dialectical:

It exists through duality; it is a rhythm between opposites.

You cannot be happy forever, otherwise happiness will lose all meaning.

You cannot be in harmony forever, otherwise you become unaware of the harmony.

Harmony has to be followed by discord, and

Happiness has to be followed by unhappiness.

Every pleasure has its own pain and every pain has its own pleasure.

Unless one understands this duality of

Existence, one remains in unnecessary misery.

Whatsoever you do, whatsoever you don’t do.

Whatsoever you say, whatsoever you don’t say

Reveals you.

Whom do you think you are deceiving? If

Deception becomes a habit, ultimately you will

Have deceived yourself and no one else.

It is your own life that you are wasting in deceptions.

Life is always uncertain.

Everything dead is certain, life is always uncertain.

Everything dead is fixed-its

Nature cannot be changed;

Everything alive is moving, changing-

A flow, flexible and able to move in

Any direction.

The more you become certain, the more you will miss life…

Be childlike but don’t be childish. If you are

Childlike, you will become a great saint;

If you are childish , you will become a knowledgeable person.”

 

This conversation about change can go in any direction so feel free to question, comment, and share!

Peace and love.

 

Have you ever…?

HAVE YOU EVER…?

Have you ever had a favorite hobby that you did all the time and then you stopped because you got caught up with work, family, friends, school, etc.?

For several years, I have been trying to start a blog. Why? Good question! The reason I have wanted to write a blog is because I want to share my thoughts and feelings about life. Now, I won’t say that I have been through the most exciting, dangerous, and adventurous life experiences that anyone has ever had and that I’m here to say “here is what I went through, now here are the answers of how to deal with life.” #thesearetheanswersyouprobablyarentlookingfor

If only it were that easy to tell anyone how to handle life situations so they won’t make the same mistakes that you did. Also, who I am to tell you what to do?

So here is where I’m getting at…have you ever had a favorite hobby that you did all the time and then stopped because you got caught up with work, family, friends, school, etc and then tried your favorite hobby again and realized how much you missed it?

For example, if you played a music instrument for fun but then stopped because you were too busy working, busy with school, busy with your family and friends, or you just didn’t feel like playing anymore and then when you went back to playing, you get that feeling of “oh man, I forgot how much I love playing!” If you don’t, I mean that’s totally fine, everyone is different. I know personally that I get that feeling when I go back to playing my clarinet because I loved playing it. (Yes I was a total band nerd in high school and in college). But this post isn’t about music (at least not this one).

img_20160110_153922One thing that a lot of people don’t know about me (except for the past 2-3 years because I decided to become more open about it) is that I love writing. I have been writing since I was little. I used to write letters to my friends in elementary school and middle school (before texting and chatting online became popular).
Actually I used to write letters to my favorite celebrities!

Anyone remember when Ben Affleck was in Armageddon? Yeah I wrote to Ben Affleck because I thought he was hot (not as much anymore…but I think he’s a good actor). Did I actually send the letters? Uh…I think I sent a few…I may or may not be a little embarrassed about it.

One of my earliest memories of writing was a letter to a 70s band that you may know: the Bee Gees. My parents listened to a lot of music from the 60s, 70s (disco was big in our household, especially the Bee Gees), and 80s when I was kid and I really enjoyed listening to it. (And even to this day I will jam out to some Bee Gees. If I am out at a restaurant or any social outing and I hear “Night Fever” you best believe I will sing along, quietly, and dance to that song (not like putting out a show but move to the beat where I’m standing or sitting).  So little Aileen wrote a letter to the Bee Gees about how big of a fan she was and how she wanted to meet them. I remember showing it to my dad and he laughed so hard. He thought it was the funniest thing he had heard. I was so embarrassed because I felt he was laughing at me! There went my self-esteem about writing… Now I laugh about it because it’s so silly and ridiculous. #longlivetheBeeGees

To tell you how far I have gone with writing, I even wrote a movie script from a dream I had in 7th grade. The dream seemed like something out of a movie and when I woke up, I was like “that looks like it should be in a movie!” So I wrote a whole story about it.

Did I finish the script?

I did.

And it was the cheesiest thing you could ever read. Maybe later on I will reveal what it was about but I think for now, let’s just stick to checking off “write a movie script” on my bucket list. I also began writing telenovelas because my beautiful mother watched them all the time (even though she would get tired of essentially the same story of man meets woman, they fall in love, someone tries to break them apart, someone dies and comes back to life seeking revenge, and then the main protagonists win their battle of fighting for their love and live happily ever after). But everyone likes a nice happily ever after story!  Therefore in middle/high school, I began coming up with ideas of writing telenovelas and starting them but I never completed them.

Then I took a three year hiatus from creative writing because I was taking care of my mother when she was diagnosed with cancer and obviously after she died, my main focus became learning how to live a life without her. My mom was also a part of my motivation to writing so you can see one of the reasons why I stopped writing.

But I missed writing. Throughout that time, I wanted to go back to writing because I knew I loved doing it but I just didn’t find (or want to find) the motivation to do it. Writing was always a great outlet for me because it was all in my journals/diaries and no one could criticize me for the content of my writing. But finally within the past three years, I began writing again. And it feels so good to come up with silly or fun stories! Or at least I think so…

Anyways, to wrap up my blog (because it is getting too long and my sister likes to tell me I write books whenever I write to someone), I want to say that I am actually in the process of writing a book: a memoir about my college experience. You might enjoy my happy and sad adventures, you might not. It might be cliche, it might not. But everyone has their own story. Just like what Maya Angelou said “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

Writing a book and actually publishing a book has been on my bucket list for a while so here is to hoping and praying that it will be a dream come true! I am currently working on a second rough draft so we’ll see how it goes! I also am working on a few writing projects with a friend so soon enough it will be out to the public.