What a beginning to 2017. First of all, I ended 2016, sick, with some 24 hour bug. Yikes. I spent New Years Eve watching Mariah Carey fail horrendously on live television. About that, can I just say that the internet is absolutely wonderful? My favorite thing to read immediately after Mariah Carey’s performance was that “Russia hacked Mariah Carey.” ::facepalm:: As I type this, I am still laughing about it!
Anyways, the beginning of the year is usually always hopeful, you know, filled with many goals and expectations to be fulfilled. But, the beginning of this year just seems to be a bit depressing. At least for me it has. Actually, I’ve been battling depression for a while now. And it sucks. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful every single day that I am alive and blessed that I can do the things I am able to do while others might not be able to.
Why am I depressed? It really has to do a lot with this life transition of being an adult. It sucks not having enough money for anything. People always tell me “Live life! Go out and do stuff!” How can I if most things require money? Again, don’t get me wrong because I’ve always never had enough money. It’s just that since graduating with a degree, it would be nice to have a break. #teachersdeserveahigherpay #justsaying
This might sound like I’m complaining and all but I’ve had to grow up since my junior year in high school. Doesn’t mean I have all the right to complain but I’m just expressing my thoughts. There are some perks to being an adult and I really am okay with it. It sucks to feel depressed and at times it feels like I have nothing else to look forward to since graduating. When I have thoughts like that, I begin saying “no no, there is SO much to look forward to! Writing and higher education!” I plan on getting my doctorate’s and of course publish a book, produce a TV series, and other writing projects! I also believe that what has gotten to me is not being able to have my parents around. I know my mom is looking out for me. Every single day. But I wished she were here to witness all of the things my family and I are doing. You may think that I am probably not letting go of my mom but gee I don’t know, have you ever lived without someone who was always there since day one? March 10th will be eight years…
That’s a long time.
Things could be worse. I know people have lost loved ones longer than I have. But damn it suuuucks.
You know what’s the most wonderful thing about that though? She isn’t suffering. She is with God and her family. And that eases my soul. And also that I see her in my nephews and niece.
Anyways, the beginning of the year just seemed to start a little rough. Then I get a phone call one evening to hear that one of my friends from college died.
He was someone who had so much talent and so much to show the world. This was definitely an eye-opener for me. It was a reminder that we should live each day and not worry so much about the future. What will you get if you spend your time planning so much for the future when you could be living this exact moment? Don’t get me wrong, I like planning in advance and it helps to not have too much going on and to look forward to things but really, we all should live up every day. What have you got to lose if you wait on doing things? On saying things? I hate this happened to my friend Tim, that his time was up soon. This stirred in me the want to live fervently and to serve my purpose on this earth. It just sucks to be in the middle of this depression where at times I really don’t want to go out. Or be around anyone. It’s a battle everyday. I wished people could understand that depression is more than just being sad.
With that being said, I have been pushing myself (not too hard) to go out when I want to and try new things. I took a trip to Georgia to see some friends who I hadn’t seen in SO long and it was SO good to be with them. I also have been dating someone. And can I just say he is one of the sweetest beings I have met? Who knows what will happen but let’s just say that I’m excited and terrified all at once.
I know things will get better. It will. Life is supposed to have it’s ups and downs.
To conclude, the title of this blog refers to a conversation I had with one of my best friends in the car. We were trying to figure out what new store was going to replace Kmart (Wilmington), who announced they would be closing and I mentioned something about Piggly Wiggly and my brain said “are they vintage yet?”
A vintage Piggly Wiggly?
More like retro right? 😀